The law of reversed effort

Are you trying too hard?

I believe Breena (one of my two cats) has mastered the art of reversed effort.

When you really want something to happen

I had a rhetoric class in high school and one time we were supposed to get up in front of the class, pick a note and talk spontaneously about the topic on that note (oh yeah, it was as terrifying as it sounds). When it was my turn, I nervously walked to the teacher, got my note and it said “your favorite show as a kid”. And my brain turned blank. Suddenly I didn’t remember any of the shows I watched growing up at all!

Why?

Probably some social anxiety but there’s something else going here too. If you really want something to happen, it increases the chances of it not happening. A person who really wants to get married never seems to find a long-lasting partner. A person who really wants a specific job fails completely at the job interview. Or a person who really wants to win a game, fails to do so.

It’s called “the law of reversed effort”.

This idea suggests that trying harder will make us succeed less. An example of this is “the writer’s block”. Trying to get ideas and be creative can have the complete opposite effect. The more anxious you get about coming up with ideas, the harder it becomes to do so. This can be especially nerve-wracking if you’re on a deadline. 

Even if you’re practicing some kind of sport, when experiencing a lot of pressure to score, when everything depends on you scoring, it’s very easy to let the pressure take over and fail to score even if you have the “perfect opportunity” to do so. This doesn’t mean you’re bad at the sport, it only means you're too attached to the outcome. 

So… what should you do instead?

The law of reverse effort doesn’t support the idea of binge watching Netflix all day and still expecting to pass a major test. But it also doesn’t support worrying about a particular outcome all day either.

Is the world likely to collapse if this doesn’t work out the way you want it to? Probably not. We can easily give something external in our lives so much value that we can't possibly think we could live without it. Whether it's a relationship, a career, a trip or whatever it might be. I believe this is an opportunity to go within and ask yourself a couple of questions:

• Why have I given this so much value?

• If I don’t perform, does that affect my idea of self-worth?

• If this situation doesn’t go the way I want it to, does that mean my whole life is a disaster?

Sometimes, the best thing to do is to let go of all the expectations we have of something and instead, take life day by day and enjoy what we’re doing. If we give something outside of ourselves too much value it could be caused by us thinking we don’t already have what we seek, but we do. That’s why a person who you believe "has it all” could be miserable, but someone who you believe “doesn’t have anything” could be very satisfied with life. 

If this concerns getting food on the table, it’s definitely understandable why you’ve given it so much value. But worrying about it will still make it harder to appear in your life. That’s why the practice of letting go and trusting life and the universe can be implemented in these situations as well. Even though (and you have my full support on this one) it might be easier said than done in these situations.

Will dethinking make me achieve less?

To dethink isn’t necessarily going to make you perform worse or achieve less. Contrary to belief, to dethink and get a little more detached from accomplishments and outcomes could not only allow them to appear more naturally in your life, but also make you feel better about yourself and life in general.

Have you ever been in a situation where the law of reversed effort affected you in some way?

🌻

Julia